Why Not Me?!

Posted by on Sep 26, 2013 in Emotion, Mental, Spiritual | 1 comment

Motivation is one word for a large idea with as many definitions as there are people living today. We all get up and get going for reasons that matter only to us; the trick is to get that to work for us and not against us. If not being a failure is your underlying motivation, well you are likely not to try anything no matter how much you say you want that career, partner, lifestyle, etc. because the whisper of ‘what if I fail?’ is playing over and over in your head like a stuck record, or a glitched MP3.

Overall we are pretty basic creatures.
If it feels good we tend to do it. If it hurts we tend to resist it. Struggle erupts when we get our ‘feels good’ and our ‘ouch’ wiring crossed. If you grew up in an environment that consistently gave you the message that your needs didn’t matter and were not worth supporting then as you go through life you will have a constant struggle to find the motivation to fulfill your goals and dreams. You might even end up dealing with self-sabotage instead of self-motivation, as your underlying truth is saying you are not worth taking that next step.

Sometimes folks in need of a perspective shift on what is a ‘feel good’ and what is an ‘ouch’ are glaringly obvious, such as a recovering addict, someone who grew up with an addict and their enabler in the house or family; people who are so used to screaming and even the occasional hitting as their normal. As these people find recovery and healing from their environment it is a bit more of a clear cut path in regards to what got them to this place. Being able to say my dad broke my arm or my mom used to drink herself to sleep every single night….it is horrifying and it is also a clear statement.

What about the not so clear path?
There are people that didn’t grow up with that kind of scenario; in fact they barely know it exists. What about those that grew up in a home where nobody ever yelled? Where mom and dad barely touched each other. Where there was tension, and stress, but no expression of it. How about the folks that grew up with parents that looked the part but were brutally nasty and selfish? Constant put downs, or disapproval, nothing ever quite good enough and heaven forbid you needed comfort over something like the death of your pet. Goodness it was just stupid fish, cat or dog, get over it kid, that’s life.

How do you allow something to matter to yourself when you’ve had nothing but the rug constantly pulled out from under you, be it in a screamingly obvious way or a shadowy subtle way? When the things that mattered to you were always labeled unworthy, unimportant or just plain stupid?

Yet wonderful things abound in life, they do happen. It’s when you read that sentence and finish it with, ‘but not to me’ or ‘yeah they happen to somebody else’, that demonstrates the truth of your life perception.

Change why me? To why not me!?
Granted winning the lottery requires you to first play the lottery, and that is the kicker. We don’t show up to play. We don’t go buy the $5.00 dream, as my husband calls it. We don’t go talk to that interesting person in the room, we don’t apply for that job we want; we don’t go for our dreams. We become motivated by the idea of ‘that only happens to other people’ instead of ‘that could be me!’ The tragedy is that the deep fear is of not letting yourself be happy at all since some part of you thinks it will hurt worse to lose it than to never have it to lose. How backwards is that?

I vote for taking a month off.
Take 30 days and every time you think or say to yourself ‘why me’ stop and change it to why not me! If you want to try something but your knee jerk reaction is to say ‘no, it will go all wrong’ then your mission is to try it and say ‘it will go all right no matter how it goes – this will be an adventure!’ When something goes awry, and you start to think ‘of course this went wrong, if it weren’t for bad luck I would have no luck’; stop yourself and instead say ‘I can handle this, no problem. In fact, I bet I meet someone new and interesting because of this.’

The choice is yours, it always has been. Find the joy in things and risk having days where there isn’t much joy to be found; or never really let yourself find joy in anything, just to be on the safe side.

Care to join me in the adventure of finding out that unsafe doesn’t always mean unhealthy? If the answer to that is yes, yeah, yep, d’uh, or my personal favorite: hell yeah! Then click here to connect with me.

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